he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
