Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
