you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
how drunk are you?
Several
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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