just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
All the doctor said was why
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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