just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
and she was petting her beer can
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
