So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
