Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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