u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
two words: eviction party
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
