Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
