after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
