Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
