Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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