Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
