My hand turned me down
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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