Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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