Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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