I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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