So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
do herpes really smell.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
