well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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