I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
