Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
