I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We are two peas in an std pod
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
