...so i touched it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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