I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So many bounce houses so little time
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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