He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
