In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We left an ass print on the piano.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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