I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
