Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
nutella sex= disaster
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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