Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize