I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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