i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
