she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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