I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I faked an abortion last night.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
