Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
