She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize