I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
