Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
