Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
