Apparently you make a good broom.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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