Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
