sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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