Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
