and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
