Define "chronic" masturbator.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize