Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
