You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize