His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
