i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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