Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
