you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
