Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize