Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
