cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
