If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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