I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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