you will always have a special place in my vag
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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