i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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