I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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