One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
