I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
