The maid of honor just puked.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
