Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
