i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
