wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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