Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
