i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
