Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
