the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
too bad you live with your parents still
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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