Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
