I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
